New Swiss Army Non-Knife

[Hovannes]

Here it comes:
https://www.cnn.com/2024/05/07/business ... index.html

[SlowToke]

Swiss Army Multitool.......it just doesn't have a ring to it.

[Del]

When I was a kid, my Boy Scout pocketknife was a badge of honor. The simple multi-tool marked me as useful, resourceful, and responsible. I didn't realize it, at the time. I only knew was that I could cut paper lines with a knife and ruler, straighter and faster than the scissor kids. I was always careful to avoid marring my desk. And I had a screwdriver blade.

Everyone knew I had a tool, and borrowed it when needed. Even the teacher. The knifepoint tightened a lot of eyeglasses.

Boys aren't allowed to be boys anymore.

But girls are.

[coco]

All knives are dangerous and should be banned.

[Del]

All knives are dangerous and should be banned.

They'll have to pry my Shun Kiritsuke chef knife from my cold, dead hand. And then I won't make jambalaya for them anymore.

[FredS]

I'm not sure this is some sort of woke move like Del thinks it is. Some young men have always carried pocket knives and there's a whole new crop who pack even more tools every day (see "EDC") but generally, people - particularly urban, desk bound people - don't carry knives any more because they simply don't need to. We joke about opening boxes and slicing apples, but that's really the extent of knife-work most need these days. Victorinox has been making watches and laptop backpacks and a few other products for urban hipsters over the last few years and a blade-less "knife" is just their latest idea. A wise business spreads their reach instead of staying niche.

[Hovannes]

I'm not sure this is some sort of woke move like Del thinks it is. Some young men have always carried pocket knives and there's a whole new crop who pack even more tools every day (see "EDC") but generally, people - particularly urban, desk bound people - don't carry knives any more because they simply don't need to. We joke about opening boxes and slicing apples, but that's really the extent of knife-work most need these days. Victorinox has been making watches and laptop backpacks and a few other products for urban hipsters over the last few years and a blade-less "knife" is just their latest idea. A wise business spreads their reach instead of staying niche.

How is a Boy Scout expected to use a Swiss Army wristwatch to ward off a pedophile scoutmaster?

[Del]

I'm not sure this is some sort of woke move like Del thinks it is.

I'm just having fun with this. Let's face it -- a Swiss Army bike tool is a great idea.

And a bladeless multitool could still be marketable -- one that complies with the ever-more intrusive laws that criminalize "weapons" while letting criminals walk freely.

Victorinox is not responsible for the cultures they want to market to.

[coco]

You'll cut your eye out.