Christian Pipe Smokers

where do pirates get their prosthesis???






At the second hand store.

In my garage is my step-ladder.



...I never knew my real ladder.

Joe to his dog:
"The neighbor told me he saw you chasing another neighbor on a bicycle!"

Dog:
He is lying, I don't even have a bicycle"

What do you call a bear with no ears?


"B"

Literal dad joke:

Ouch.

What do you call a fake noodle?


An Impasta

This one is for Del


Longtime baseball fans will remember that the Braves first began playing in Boston before moving to Milwaukee and then to Atlanta. While in Milwaukee, they had a relief pitcher named Milt Famey. Milt was a pretty good thrower but he loved to drink beer – a fact that was well known around the league.

One night they were playing in St. Louis. Milt had gone three innings in relief the night before so the chance of his being called on for this game was remote. Knowing this, he had smuggled a cooler into the bullpen and had been enjoying his favorite beverage as the game progressed. The Braves had a one-run lead going into the bottom of the ninth when the Cardinals loaded the bases. The call came to the bullpen for Milt. Of course, he was in no shape to pitch. Milt threw four straight balls to the first batter, walking in the tying run. Four more balls to the next batter and walked in the winning run. The Braves had lost.

As the runners on first and second were trotting across the diamond to the dugout, they noticed several empty beer cans behind the mound. One runner asked, "What are these beer cans doing here?"

The other replied, "I'll bet that's the beer that made Milt Famey walk us."

I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess the two of us aren't going to work out.




I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.






I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.




To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word.



What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.

Someone has been stealing wheels off of patrol cars.

Police are working tirelessly to catch them.