Things Protestants Might Say That Catholics Wouldn't

[FredS]

"Yo Padre, we need to cancel Saturday's services. The youths are hosting a basketball tournament in the sanctuary."

[Hugo Drax]

Daddy God. It hurt to even write it

[Del]

"Is this bread gluten free?"

Given that receiving Christ in the Eucharist is the center of Catholic worship and the modern prevalence of gluten-intolerant allergies, Catholics have to deal with this more than anyone else. We've developed customs to accommodate food allergies during worship.

I am genuinely curious how our Orthodox brothers work around this one!

Our real problem is providing gluten-free alternatives along with the donuts after Mass.

I almost wrote "Is this body gluten free?" but sensibility overtook me for a minute. I reckon if He can transubstantiate once, He can transubstantiate twice in the same place and time, depending on which line one chooses.

Real question - - - Do you have non-alcoholic wine for those that suffer from addiction? Many Protestant churches have dropped wine altogether in favor of grape juice.

Yes. Priests recovering from alcoholism are given dispensations to use non-alcoholic wine for Mass.

Getting into the weeds a bit, just for fun: The elements of the Eucharist must be unleavened wheat bread and fermented wine. But we can use flour from which gluten has been removed, and wine that has been processed to remove alcohol. Grape juice is not wine.

[Del]

"Make it snappy. There's an east-coast game that starts at 11:00 and I don't want to miss the kick-off."

Oh wait, Catholic guys probably say that as much as the rest of us.

Another reason to go to the early Latin Mass!

[Del]

"He's not my Pope."

That's a winner.

[Del]

"Yo Padre, we need to cancel Saturday's services. The youths are hosting a basketball tournament in the sanctuary."

Another friend, another Assembly of God pastor.... Pastor Micky was showing me the new worship space they had rented/set up for a mission church he was planting in Madison. It was pretty spare, as one would expect. Folding chairs, a barstool and lightweight podium for holding sermon notes, microphones and amplifier, maybe a drum set.

In the back corner, there was a basketball hoop. I asked if that had been left there by the previous tenants.

"No, we use that. After service we fold up the chairs and the youth group plays some ball."

Something in my face must have indicated confusion, so he explained:

"It's part of coming out of the Calvinist tradition. We don't see a church as being a 'sacred space.' It's more of a multi-purpose thing, and suitable for whatever builds up the community."

That was many, many years ago. That was also my first introduction to the concept of "Calvinist tradition."

[FredS]

I'm telling you Del, I'm not really joking with these quotes. As your experiences prove out, *these are real. Mostly.

Catholics be like



*Except that "Daddy God" thing. Hugo's probably seen/heard that but I haven't.

[FredS]

"You know that crucifix is like yer kllin' Jesus all over again."

[FredS]

"Hey, let's have your sister get ordained by the Church of the Later-Day Dude so she can marry us in the park next weekend."

[Del]

"Hey, let's have your sister get ordained by the Church of the Later-Day Dude so she can marry us in the park next weekend."

Will there be grape juice?